self-care /self’ker/

noun

1.the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health. “autonomy in self-care and insulin administration.”

2.the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress. “expressing oneself is an essential form of self-care”

What does self care look like to you? How does your unique personality, time and space allow for you to tend to self care? For a Mom it could look like time alone. For a single person it could look like time with company. It can be opposite things at different times in one's life.

The last 16 years I have been working as a licensed massage therapist. Self care is what has allowed me to continue to give day in and day out. I have worked on so very many different kinds of career folk. Across the board they have all felt they needed to give themselves care. Every one needs time to tend to themselves no matter the job or the lack of job or their marriage status or the color of their skin or age.

Things that rejuvenate me and feel like self care can include, a walk in the woods, enough down time to read a book, hanging out on the beach or by a stream or body of water, taking a nap, eating good food, and drinking clean water, exercising, meditating, listening to music, dancing, receiving massage, laughing with friends, basking in the moonlight or the sunshine.

For others self care could look very different. I invite you to ask yourself again, what does self care look like to you?

Self care could also include self talk. What are the things we tell ourselves? What out of those things do we believe? Talking to ourselves in a supportive, forgiving, and grateful manner can really influence the way we walk through life. It can line us up to our true path our true self; our inner north. Do you thank your body or your mind? I like to remember to thank my body for all it does for me. Isn’t it amazing that it breathes on it’s own? Our heart beats whether we tell it to or not. That is truly incredible when you think about it. Think about everything our feet and hands do for us. Do you take time to be grateful for your body parts? One time I saw my cousin kiss her own arm and it really struck me as an act of compassion toward her arm.

Self care can be our faith. Do you believe in a spiritual path? Regardless of whether you believe in God or Buddha or Allah or the Great Spirit or you name it, you can find refuge in pure unconditional love. You don’t need to believe in any of these faiths to find benefit in meditating. Meditation can be as simple as watching your breath and paying attention. I love to meditate on a crystal or the sky or a tree. I do have a Buddhist practice that I embrace with body mind and spirit. I find chanting to be very calming and clearing. How do we like to nourish our spiritual selves? Does that include community? Being with family can be good for the self.. so can being away from family. So I find myself asking.. what fills my cup back up? Sometimes it is physical, sometimes mental and sometimes spiritual but ultimately all three.

Why have we created a society that frowns on taking time out for oneself? If we could start the practice of taking this kind of space in our lives perhaps we can normalize taking time to decompress on vacation without having to check our emails. What if we had more time off each quarter? What would we love to do for ourselves if we had more time to do it? Sometimes giving to others can be a very rewarding way to fill our cups back up. These acts of kindness can be as simple as a smile. There have been times where some one, whom I have never met, paid for my coffee or meal and it really warmed my heart. I have no idea who it was and that part doesn’t matter. One time I had the amazing opportunity to go to Guatemala and help a small community build a school out of recycled bottles. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. By giving of my time and energy I felt SO MUCH HAPPINESS. I had heard it could be like that but to experience it was so beautiful. And with no other agenda than to help others.

There is a lot you can do without much money. What is important in your life? How do you do that? What is security? When I was an infant and I would get fussy my Mom noticed that if she took me outside, in nature, that I would immediately get peaceful. I think this is a really good reminder that we are born of nature. In this modern day society we spend so much time indoors and with walls and a roof and sometimes no windows. We are disconnected from the natural rhythms and this can add to our stress and anxiety. Natural patterns can be very healing. Looking at a bubbling stream or watching leaves fall. In the city it can be more challenging to find clean running water where there isn’t plastic and trash in the landscape. However you can still find the natural beauty. Maybe it is a dandelion pushing through the sidewalk. It’s become difficult to see the stars. When was the last time you saw the Milky Way? Taking time to be in nature and breathe deep into our lungs can be extremely restorative. Kids need to take time outside. They need to run around and feel free and boundless. We adults need that as well!

The pandemic has had most students taking classes on a screen removed from in person contact. How can we help children growing up in these times to know how to live a balanced life? A life that promotes their own well being?

How can we teach our kids self care in a world that is pushing us harder and faster to produce for the large money making corporations? Have you ever taken your child to a state park? Or taught them how to meditate? Or to follow their breath? They are usually naturals at this.

Ok so say you work in corporate? Is there a place you can go that has a view or a tree? Can you give yourself permission to get up and move around at least once an hour?

One could go deeper into what does it truly mean to care for yourself? When we look at how interconnected we are... not only a species.. but a planet, a solar system and an entire cosmos we may catch a more expansive view of our oneness of self. Everything effects everything. Therefore caring of oneself could really essentially be caring for others. And by truly caring for oneself you are in effect caring for all.

Many of us have found ourselves in caretaker positions. This can be extremely exhausting. and though it is ripe with so much opportunity to practice compassion and patience, lot’s and lot’s of patience, it can also be very draining. During the times that I have been primary care taker I have found it difficult to keep up with my own business. And to find the time to relax and catch up with my needs would feel near to impossible. What would make it easier for those in caretaker role to also keep a balanced life? Honestly I would almost have to get political here. Back in the day we all lived more tribally. The whole tribe would care for those in need. Now we live very isolated lives and certain things have had a lot more weight on the individuals or family members to the individuals. What if our society was set up in a way that the burden didn’t fall so heavily on family members?

Now that we have a world wide web we are so aware of all the other people on the planet for the first time and we have a better grasp of the earth's population. It is undeniable that we all share the same water infused planet. This planet is flying through space in a galaxy that is flying through the expanding universe. That is pretty special. This is our home. Don’t we like our homes to feel safe and comforting? Don’t we need to take care of our homes so they can be conducive to our well being? So it seems taking care of our planet is also self care.

Lately I have been asking myself what brings me joy…? What truly brings me authentic deep happiness? For me, it is tapping into spiritual source. The source that is interconnected with everything. The source that feels like HOME because it recognizes who I truly AM. When I first met my spiritual teachers Khenpo Tsewang Dongyal Rinpoche and Khenchen Palden Sherab Rinpoche I got that feeling so strong. Like I was home. The home I had always been looking for. The home that resided in my heart but I didn’t know how to find. If one does not have a lineage or a formal spiritual path how does one find this home? It is compassion. It is connection. IT IS LOVE.